A few weeks ago I saw a man in a shirt that read, ‘I give because we need each other’. As I walked down the subway stairs that is all that kept ringing in my mind- we need each other , we need each other. Several days later, after returning home following the death of a close relative, I think I know why.
Death seems to be one of those binary events that has profound affects on everyone involved. It is clearly life changing and devastating in a way that can be equally crippling and healing. Thinking for one second that it may be acceptable to give up feelings of love and affection for that person is borderline insanity.
What most fail to recognize is that all the seconds, minutes, days, weeks to months that have passed– those are our safe places. The interactions and bouts of joy that change hands, is why we give. It is done to fill our stores with memories of one another, simply to hold on.
This is where sorrow thrives. These stores are no longer seen as a resource of healing but as a vehicle for anger and denial. Imagining a world without access to this person is indeed cruel. Fostering feelings that God or the universe is finally having its karmic episode on your life seems painfully accurate.
What good is a memory if it can never be repeated? Did you say enough, do enough, remember enough? Regret serves as a regular function of grief even when it is misplaced.
Death is unimaginable because we need each other. People are conditioned to run like clockwork. So much so that we often forget to sit down and realize the truths. Instead of searching for answers (which will never come) it’s easier to continue the cycle. Mourn the memories that will plague your mind forever and learn to appreciate them.
Continue the cycle of bringing life and happiness to those around you, just as you felt with the departed. While nothing can or ever will serve as a suitable replacement, making yourself available to someone else who needs you is important. Continuing to give and to seek joy is essential, especially when it is thought that it cannot survive.
The mind is strong and the body definitely follows suit. Disarray is what the mind will need to recover from. Finding new spots for sunlight can eventually make you whole. Allowing yourself to receive and to give will initiate healing. In death we still need each other: to receive the pain, memories, hope and love. Giving is a reminder that life is beautiful and that doesn’t have to be final.